Spigelman Sings From Different Hymn Sheet

Sydney Morning Herald

Tuesday May 23, 2006

Damien Murphy & Gwyn Topham

AFTER panning fear-mongering politicians and journalists for stirring up a frenzy over law and order recently, the Supreme Court Chief Justice, Jim Spigelman, yesterday did an adroit reverse pike: degree of difficulty, not much at all.

Spigelman gave a surprisingly laudatory endorsement of the NSW Government's law and order policies during his speech to mark the 150th anniversary of the State Parliament. Of course, Spigelman, who is also the state's Lieutenant-Governor, was only following protocol in praising the policies of the government of the day.

In words vetted by the Premier's office, he cited harsher laws, tougher powers for police and majority verdicts as measures intended to ensure the rightto live "free of fear and the threat of crime".

"[The Government] will continue to ensure that frontline police have the powers, equipment and training they need to drive down crime and curb violence," Spigelman said.

Parliament seemed more alarmed than alert. Although the event could not even fill the cosy public gallery of the upper house, several van loads of police officers and sniffer dogs scoured the building before the past was recreated, with parliamentary clerks in the wigs and white gloves of their predecessors and a proclamation ending with "God save the Queen".

The Premier, Morris Iemma, got into the spirit, posing for the Liberal frontbencher Brad Hazzard as he took a few digital photographs. Iemma said NSW was a "laboratory of democracy", while the Opposition Leader, Peter Debnam, said NSW was "simply an elected dictatorship".

HE WHO DARES

Alarming scenes on Channel Nine's Today show when weatherman Steve Jacobs took it on himself to present the 7.30am forecast while enjoying the "signature treatment" at a Queensland spa: a full-on, two-hour oiling.

Normally, he revealed, this particular treatment would be undergone naked but Jacobs took the courageous decision to lie on his back wearing nothing but a pair of Speedos, as a masseuse lathered the inside of his thigh.

With the mercury rising, was something hatching in his budgie smugglers, viewers might well have wondered. It is not known if it was an alert producer or Jacobs who took evasive action, but after the camera cut to the studio, it returned to find a small folded towel had been stacked on the offending area. Outlook: steamy.

DOPPELGAENGER

For viewers who had had their fill of round-the-clock coverage from Beaconsfield, the Eurovision Song Contest on SBS should have provided a welcome refuge.

But then on came the winning entry, the lead singer bearing a striking resemblance to one half of Tasmania's richest vein of miners. We demand to know just who is behind Mr Lordi's mask. We also must report the curious resemblance between the other half of the Van Demonian strike-it-richers and one of the Bali nine, Renae Lawrence.

PEARLS OF WISDOM

There's been much speculation on Todd Russell's choice of T-shirt for the multimillion-dollar interview on Nine, featuring a shooting inn called Big Willie's. Could this be related to the American barbecue restaurant chain, that has published its "rules for life" online? Nuggets include, "work hard on your job and you'll earn a living; work hard on yourself and you'll earn a fortune!"

ROAD RAGE

Parliament House in Canberra is about to be converted into Australia's biggest roundabout. Motorists who use the road around the place will have to drive another two kilometres in the name of safety - except John Howard.

In the next few weeks, the road around Parliament will be converted from one lane either way to one-way. Parliamentary administrators, having already turned the place into a terrorist-free zone, are now responding to concerns that ordinary Canberrans have the temerity to use the road as a shortcut between the northern and southern suburbs.

Speed humps have failed to keep citizens at bay, and to stop the rat run, an anti-clockwise one-way system will be enforced.

But not for Howard: the entrance road to the PM's area will be switched, from west of the Parliament to the east. If this had not been done, the PM's normal trip from the Lodge to Parliament would have been extended by two kilometres.

Labor senator John Faulkner said it was unfair: "It's one rule for the Prime Minister, and one rule for everyone else."

MONEY TALKS

Treating television as the drug of a nation, the Sydney Writers' Festival website opens with someone emptying five bullets from a revolver into a black and white TV set.

As the festival starts today, it is our melancholy duty to report that television's Oprah Winfrey has just landed the biggest book deal of all time.

She has just landed a $US12 million ($16 million) advance from Simon & Schuster for a book about keeping weight under control, knocking Bill Clinton's 2004 autobiography My Life off the perch of the biggest deal signed for a non-fiction book.

Winfrey is writing the book with her personal fitness trainer, Bob Greene, who frequently appears on her TV program and who has signed a deal with McDonald's to promote its "healthy meal" campaign.

Meanwhile across the Atlantic, British modern artist Damien Hirst has also joined the biggest club by creating the most expensive piece of artwork, a life-size human skull covered with 8500 diamonds. Its cost? $24.84 million. Its title? For the Love of God. Quite.

ANCHORS AWEIGH

Joan Carden, the retired diva, puts to sea one last time to star in Titanic, the Musical. Carden was announced last night as one of the stars of the John Deidrich-directed show that is due to open later this year.

She will be joined by cabaret singer Hayden Tee, who was recently in Les Miserables in London's West End; tenor Robert Gard; young cabaret prodigy Belinda Wollaston; and Katrina Retallick, who was in South Pacific.

© 2006 Sydney Morning Herald

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